Believe it or not, you can masturbate badly. We’re not talking about it being bad to masturbate – that’s between you and yourself! But many, many men develop solo sexual habits that can ultimately have a deleterious effect on their partnered sex life.

For many couples, the subject of masturbation never comes up or they refuse to discuss it. Often the man feels a sense of disapproval if he should masturbate. Some men might have religious guilt over masturbation. Some women don’t want to know their partner masturbates. The reasons men masturbate generally have little to do with how they feel about their partners. But men’s feelings about masturbation certainly affect how they masturbate.

One of the most frequent results we see of bad masturbation is a desensitized penis. Whether it is out of a need to masturbate secretly, or quickly, or just out of habit, many men stimulate so tightly and so roughly, that they deaden the sensory nerves in their penis. After years of this, the penis comes to depend on that sort of intense stimulation in order to climax. Compared to a tightly gripping dry hand, the gentle sensation of a vagina is often not enough to lead to orgasm.

The second most common problem we see is climax control. So many men try to keep the masturbation session so short that gradually train their body to orgasm as quickly as possible. While this technically is not the same as the medical definition of premature ejaculation, it can still create a lot of havoc in a couple’s sex life.

OK, so how does one masturbate well? Think of masturbation as a sexual tune-up for the body. It’s time you’ve set aside to check in on all systems to make sure they are working and sensing properly. Be aware of the firmness of your erection. Be aware of the level of orgasm. Be aware of changes in your responses.

• First – start with time. Discover how much time you need to enjoy your body. Most men find that having a longer masturbation session is far more enjoyable than they expected. Train yourself to be able to control when you climax – go through the first sensation of climax and try to delay it.
• Second – be gentle. Use lots of lubricant and loosen the grip. Enjoy a variety of sensations. Mimic your partner’s touch. Explore different sensations. Tune up your body for sex with your partner.

Giving ourselves permission to enjoy and explore our bodies is a rare gift. Practice makes perfect, they say. So practice what you really want to perfect.

For more information or questions about sexual health, contact us!